I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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