it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
