i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
