I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
