so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
