Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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