Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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