The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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