If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
