I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
