3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize