ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
