i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
