Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
