instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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