my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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