i just google imaged poop.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
