dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
