Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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