so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
