I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize