Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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