i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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