omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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