That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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