my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
