so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
