Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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