I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
