M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
