I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
