it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
