I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
