i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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