i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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