By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
