the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
