I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she looked like the before picture.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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