how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
