That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
