you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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