i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
