i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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