So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
