I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
