his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
