Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
