I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
