he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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