Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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