The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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