If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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