need another drink. this is the easiest way
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
