I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
