I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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