well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
