just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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