Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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