I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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