evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
