Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
