i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
