Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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