I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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