Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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