Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
