you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
