I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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