4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
