you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
