I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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