I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
