why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
