My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
