Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
