Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
