just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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